Ever feel like you just don't fit in?  You feel too tall, too short, too brainy or too dumb, too... not good enough?  The truth is everyone wants to belong.  The confident girl, the leader, the pretty one - everyone wants to feel like they fit in.  Even the girls who act super cool or super tough - usually they need it even more.  All girls worry about not fitting in.  God designed us to want friendships and to do life with others.   When we are the odd one out, it’s lonely.  That's normal.

So we try to fit in with those around us.  Whether that's at work or at school.

Then we try to figure out who we are based on how we act with friends.  Who's the leader?  The gatherer?  The peacemaker?  The confidant?  The funny one?  The roles we play change based on what friends we hang out with.  With one friend, we may be a little bossy.  With another, we may feel intimidated and try to act cool.  Roles change when we are around different friends.  

When we don't fit in at all, we feel like we’re the problem.  But we need to realize the problem isn't us.  Rather, we are trying to fit in with the wrong group.  God didn't make everyone is athletic.  Not everyone is super-smart or the best looking.  Some girls are more outgoing.  Some are just mean.  Are you trying to fit in with a certain group because you want to look good?  Or athletic?  Or you don't know who else to hang out with?  What if you look for friends like you- with similar interests, similar religious beliefs and a similar sense of humor?  When you find those like you, fitting in is easier.

This may be a time when you feel lonely or isolated.  Know that this will pass and that God is with you (Isaiah 43:2).  Sometimes, God allows us to struggle because our experience will help someone.  Other times, God allows us to be uncomfortable enough to make a change- whether that is a school or career change or a move..  Ask God to give you wisdom to know which and for some good friends to love on you.

If you have lots of friends, but still feel lonely, then this might be a sign of a bigger issue, like depression.   Lots of girls deal with this and, even though it’s difficult, reach out to a counselor, pastor, mom or dad, grandparent- someone older who you trust.

Whether you feel like you don’t fit in or you have lots of friends- know that God designed you exactly as you are (1 Peter 4:10-11) and has great plans for your future (Jeremiah 1:4-5).   This might be a tough time right now, but seasons change.   You soon may have the friends you need!

About the Author


Kristen lives in Florida with her awesome husband and 3 energetic kids. She earned a graduate degree in Clinical Psychology from the University of Michigan and is a psychology professor at a local university. In her free time, she hangs out with family and friends, volunteers at her church and laughs as much as possible. She has a passion for Jesus, helping others and anything chocolate. Follow her on instagram @kristen_hodges_cg